 |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
...
I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you--the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name.
Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter. Wordsworth's expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books or the music in which we thought beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing.
These things--the beauty, the memory of our own past--are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (bold emphasis mine) | |
I've always liked Lewis' writings, both his fiction and his essay/nonfiction. Noticed a copy of The Weight of Glory on one of my mom's book cases a couple weeks ago and since I'd not heard of this one before I stuffed it in my backpack for later. Maybe this little snippet will provoke some thought (it sure did for me) or even encourage you to read more of his writings. While some of his published work is essays or talks with such a very specific audience that it's hard to relate to them, I've yet to meet a Lewis piece that didn't make me think, and The Weight of Glory, with its discussion of Heaven and Earth, war, inner circles (in the clique since), theology, forgiveness, and more, is no exception. Is Theology Poetry? and Forgiveness are especially good reads. Few more quotes from the book I like: "The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavourable."
"Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuses, after all allowances have been made, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness, and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness, and that we can always have from God if we ask for it."
"Obedience is the road to freedom, humility the road to pleasure, unity the road to personality."
"A sick society must think much about politics, as a sick man must think much about his digestion; to ignore the subject may be fatal cowardice for the one as for the other. But if either comes to regard it as the natural food of the mind--if either forgets that we think of such things only in order to be able to think of something else--then what was undertaken for the sake of health has become itself a new and deadly disease." | |
Tags: books, life
Current Music: Final Fantasy VI Piano Collection - Terra
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyone remember that old TV show? Man, I remember watching that when I was a kid, until one episode scared the bajeezers out of me somehow (I can't even remember how; one of the characters' life was in danger somehow I think) and I never watched it again. Ah, ever absorbed by fiction, my childhood. Anyway, been a few weeks since I posted. I wish I could say it's because I've been too busy being productive with my God-given time on earth but that would be a half-truth at best. Don't really have any deep topics to ramble at length about, so I guess I can hit on a few things here while I nibble on my sandwich at work. While briefly on the subject of food, note to self, don't have milkshakes at 7 PM. I was up until 3AM with jitters from the sugar in the stupid thing. SO sleepy T_T Work has been... well, work. Can't complain about a paycheck. But I've not written a line of code in like two months which makes me sad. At least it's cool to have a boss who comes and sits in my cube to chat about Fallout 3 for a couple hours XD Speaking of work, got to talking with an older guy here yesterday and somehow we got on the topic of my new apartment (speaking of, I'd promised pictures and for those that didn't see them linked in #ri, they're on this page at the bottom) and he said he'd be selling a condo in town here some time in the next few years if I was interested. I haven't seen it, but he told me where it is and it's not a bad location. Have to keep that in mind if I'm still working here that far down the road.  Ever since going on that offline game binge I posted about a couple posts back I've been back on a big FFXI kick. Haven't talked much about it here because I know most people who read this don't care about FFXI. But, eh, on the off chance that you have wondered what my MMO adventures have entailed recently, well, July 4 will mark one year (already...) of being back on FFXI. I got Monk to 75 as my first and main job last fall, but I've since gotten Samurai and White Mage to 75 (to do events where Monk isn't very useful), Black Mage almost to 74 and Warrior to 58. Got invited by some friends to a Dynamis shell (said friends have since quit the shell, go figure) that goes once a week and have been having some fun with that (also nice way to make money). I also uploaded a bunch of screenshots from Dec.08 through Mar.09, over in the usual spot if you're interested. Recent additions to the game have been really nice, such as level syncing and the widespread Fields of Valor making early level soloing much more easy and fun, and making certain pre-Aht Urgan level ranges much less tedious. They recently added ANNM too, which are NM fights you spawn by spending Allied Notes (what you get from doing campaing). Been doing a few of them lately with some friends' LS--last week I had about 200k gil, last night when I logged out I had 1.1 million, the most I've ever had at once (in cash anyway). So, yeah, ANNM are awesome. My old penpal buddy who I've mentioned before on here but who I hadn't heard from in some months suddenly was on game last night. On a different account, though, one of the free trial accounts because he said he was broke but wanted to check in with everyone in-game. I asked how his college entrance exams which he was studying for went and he replied back with a bunch of ...... ;;;;;;; and {That's too bad.}. Shame about that :( But good to know he's still doing alright otherwise.  Anyway, putting FFXI aside for now... I started on Suikoden V finally. Had this game in its plastic wrapping on my shelf for a long time now and I'm finally getting to it. Phew, slow start. But oh my goodness Lyon is so freaking cute I'm going to die. No, seriously. And as you RI folks have probably guessed, I'm sure Lyon is going to be a serious contendor for writing tourney sponsoring in the future (no way I'll finish SuiV in time for RFTA though). I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I hadn't played this before Written in the Stars, because playing Anise with Luna's Jade was a blast, but tagging Lyon along with Mith's Georg would have been awesome as well (the decision would have killed me!). So yeah, first impressions of Suikoden V after about three hours is that the game just feels somehow clunky and poorly designed, however the characters and dialog and voice acting have all been supurb so far and the story looks to have good potential. And speaking of RFTA, it's almost here :3  For some reason I've renewed my HDTV hunting as well. I say "for some reason" because I really don't need one right now because I don't have a BD/PS360/HD cabel to really take advantage of one (yet). But the more I think about how awesome it would be to have a 42" HDTV hooked up to my PC (and then whatever new consoles I get later), the more I want one. XD After a ton of reading on AVS forums yesterday I went by Conn's and Best Buy after work to check out a couple models I'd been reading about, the Toshiba 42ZV650 in particular. In Conn's I tinkered with settings (using some someone had posted on AVS) for several minuets before a rep noticed me crouched down there. It looked pretty nice but the picture seemed fuzzy and it took me a minute to realize that, compared to the adjacent TV with the same feed, the Toshiba was not showing the whole picture, like it was zoomed in, which seemed weird because the ratio of the video should have fit the TV. I hit some more buttons and only when the TV was set to Game mode did the entire picture show on the screen, thereby eliminating the zoomfuzz it had had. The rep couldn't explain why it was doing that. I'll ask about it on the AVS forums I guess. Anyway, went across the street to Best Buy and they didn't have the Toshibas on the wall, but they did have the 46" version stuffed away between to ailes and it looked very good to my untrained eyes. I'm used to a small 20+ year old CRT TV and budget LCD monitor, so to me they ALL look impressive. Not going to buy one just yet, but the trip was good research. I'm really not sure where I'd put one if I got one, though. I could put it on my desk in my bedroom to use as a monitor for my PC and to hook consoles up to it, but, then it's in my bedroom, not the living room for if some company is over. On the other hand, if I put it in the living room I couldn't easily use it as a PC monitor which is a huge consideration to me. Decisions decisions. Speaking of decisions, it doesn't look like I'm gonna make it to Otakon this year to meet up with those of you I know who are going. I just checked my employee portal this morning and I've only got like 3.47 hours of vacation accrued this year. :| Oh well, maybe next year. Was hoping to hang out with you guys and play Munchkin and laugh at awful cosplay and dodge rhyming panhandlers but it was not meant to be this year, I guess. Welp, that's about it from me for now. Got some book and anime stuff in mind but I'll save that for later since this is getting long enough. Tags: consumerism, ffxi, games, life, pics, work
Current Mood: sleepy
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
omg someone brought some dark chocolates to the office and I was just thinking last night in bed how sad I was that I had no chocolates left and hadn't had any all weekend and was really craving some chocolate and and ....! :D *eats* ♥♥♥ Anyway!  So after a month in the new apt I figured it was about time to get a vacuum cleaner. The place was pretty clean when I moved in, really, but I noticed that the carpet seemed kinda dirty. But since my allergies weren't bothering me (they're actually bothering me less now that I moved out; maybe the dog hair was affecting more than I realized?) I didn't really put any priority on it. But, yeah... as the guy who was in charge of vacuuming a few rooms at the house, after one trip around the apartment, I'm convinced the thing hadn't been vacuumed in forever (see picture). *brandishes vacuum hose* Dustbunnies beware! Last week went pretty well. I've been on a bit of a break from FFXI this month to allow for some time to catch up on some backloggage. I finished Fallout 3, Mass Effect, and Digital Devil Saga 2 and have made it about 3/5 of the way through Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. That's too much content for me to feel like writing a proper review of everything, but I'll do some quickies here since I have nothing else to do while I wait for source control licenses (that other people have locked) time out so I can do some work.  Fallout 3. Everything I'd hoped it would be? No. Still an engaging, fun, romp through a nuclear wasteland? You bet. As someone whose post-apocolypse gaming goes back as far as the old game Wasteland, I was really looking forward to Fallout 3. And overall I think it was worth the wait. So much to see, explore, and do in the game. I had SO much fun exploring random locations and finding audio journals or computer terminals that told little side stories and stuff like that. The main quest was pretty good overall though I didn't think the ending was good--at least the way I went (a "goodguy" ending) it felt really... staged and out of place in a game in which you're so free. Well, at least LIBERTY PRIME and his assault on the Enclave troops was epic enough to almost make up for the ending. Perhaps in responce to complaints about Oblivion, I dunno, but the game seemed really easy even on Hard difficulty. I played most of the game wearing civilian clothes that offered like no armor. I was kinda bumed about that because that made Power Armor kinda pointless (granted, I was playing a sniper build; I'm sure the power armor would be a lot more useful to a melee build or something). I mean, I remember back in Fallout 2 where Power Armor was like... the WIN button (wait, no, that was the Gauss Rifle :D). Speaking of FO2... The writing in FO3 was a step up from Oblivion (well, pretty much everything was, and I say this as a fan of Oblivion), but it still felt... really weak compared to FO2, where dialog trees were far more dynamic, depending on your skills and attributes like INT and CHR. I think this was the major weakness of the game--it was a problem in Oblivion, too, but as someone who never played any other Elder Scroll games, Oblivion didn't come with the same expectations that FO3 did. Fallout 3 is still a lot of fun, but the dialog trees were a bit of a letdown and generally weren't fun to read, compared to the other Fallouts where half the fun of any conversation was reading all the dialog options you weren't going to chose. Anyway, it's a solid game and I totally recommend it. Yeah.  Ah, Mass Effect. A game I'd been wanting to play for a long time. I'd been holding out on this one simply because I planned to get it for the 360 that I planned to eventually buy some day. Well, I still don't have a 360 and my resolve broke down and I went ahead and got this for PC. One of those rare cases where impatience was rewarding, because this was a great game. I think the best way to describe Mass Effect is... you're playing a sci-fi movie. Right from the get-go I was sucked in by the cenimatography and dialog/voice acting. Little things like the camera moving around during dialog, gesturing and facial expressions (Shepard really likes that eyebrow arch, by the way), how well the soundtrack (which was great) was used to match the situation, and the way the dialog wheel guided conversations... it's like, well, a movie kinda. And awesome! The plot is straight-forward and simple, but does a good job of holding the game together. Though I felt like the ease with which Shepard "exposed" Saren felt a bit too convienent--seemed odd that the mostest elite Spectre couldn't cover his tracks any better than that. In a way this game was the opposite of Fallout 3 for me. Like, FO3's combat was more fun and varied than ME's, but ME's great writing and directing make FO3's look really pathetic. In both games I did tons of exploring and sidequesting and in both games I was max level long before tackling the last sections of the main quests and while ME wins in the sidequest department, FO3 really did a lot better job with the extra areas to explore. And Fallout 3 ran pretty stable on my PC but Mass Effect really liked to hang up a lot, which was annoying but not enough to stifle my enthusiasm because this game was just that fun. Here's looking forward to Mass Effect 2. :D  So, a tad over a year since finding out about the Digital Devil Saga games thanks to Mith's performance as Heat in Wayward Dawn, which prompted me to track down these games, I finished them both (DDS1 I actually played twice, though the second time was a new game plus so it was lolezmode just to run through and pick specific dialog options for the carry-over effects for DDS2). Talk about crazy. Digital Devil Saga 2 was crazy. As in messed up, whacky, and crazy. Complete hogwash of a plot in the second half and a hokey ending (didn't help that I couldn't take anything seriously anymore after The Seraph Incident. Truth be told I was a bit disapointed with that aspect of DDS2. But it was still pretty fun, and seeing DDS1's plot/locales/cast in light of DDS2 added an extra layer of fun. The DDS games being my first time playing SMT games, I wasn't anticipating so much grinding, yet I found it strangely addicting to hammer the enemies elemental weakness then EAT 'EM OM NOM NOM NOM! And DDS2 made money much more accessible; the number of times where I couldn't afford to teach someone a new skill was far, far lower than it was while I was playing DDS1. Anyway... it was worth tracking down and playing. I doubt I'd play it again for a long time because the plot was so whack, but, yeah, it was worth playing.  And lastly for games for today, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. I loved Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword (once I understood how FE games work, that is--before that it was little but rage) but somehow Sacred Stones and I got off on the wrong foot and I dropped it after four or five stages and never looked back. So I wasn't sure what to expect from this one. Unlike the other games mentioned in this post, I've yet to finish this one. But so far it's pretty good--the cast is not as engaging as Blazing Sword's, but at least it's more interesting than Sacred Stones'. The combat is standard FE fare, with some nice changes, such as being able to buy weapons from your caravan instead of simply storing items. Also, making custom weapons is a nice touch, though I've only done it once and that was to buy a Javelin for Nephenee (pictured left) since the armory doesn't sell them. I always have and always will hate Fire Emblem's random stat bonus on level up system. And the random number generator in Path of Radiance seems particuarly harsh. But luckily they've introduced bonus exp which you accumulate during missions and can spend between missions to top off or catch up units that have fallen behind in levels. So if you don't like the statups you get you can just reset and not lose any mission progress. Really helpful for healer classes (mind you, I got both Sera AND Lucius to level 20 as Bishops in my Blazing Sword game :D for the record, that duo is nigh unstoppable) or for units who have poor statup chances. Anyway, the story is nothing really memorable yet, main reason being, I think, that the story is an overall impersonal one for Ike--in contrast to Blazing Sword where the cast is swept up in it and has personal stake, Ike, as a mercenary, is a bystander who choses to get involved (which does speak for his character, but also makes it harder for me to care about the plot). I got like 10 stages left I think so we'll see where this one goes.  Okay, enough about games for now. I finally stopped being lazy/forgetful and put Rockbox on my Sansa e260 MP3 player which I got a few months ago. The default firmware didn't bother me; it's functional and does everything I'd expect a $40 player to do. Its screen shown while playing (pic left) a track is plain, but, hey, this is music we're talking about here, not video, so it works. Actually the only thing that bugged me about the default firmware (and this was actually a pretty big issue for me) was the volume control and how few increments it has. It's like... Mute - Loud - Louder and when I use this thing at work most of the time I want to keep the volume low enough so that I can hear if people are trying to get my attention. So already there are two major things that make Rockbox so worth it. First is the volume increments are much smaller, for much more precise adjustments. Secondly, the ability to use extra apps like calculators, calendars, image viewers, and even games, is really cool. And lastly (ok, three things), making my own themes and backgrounds (below) is ♥.  The guides on the rockbox site are really good. It's mostly just a matter of experimentation with positioning and suchwhat. That skin I posted was the first (and so far only) one I made; about 15 minutes to color the sketch (was a B&W manga scan) and get it sized/positioned how I wanted, then like 15 minutes to examine a few other custom skins for examples of markup usage, about 30 minutes to write the markup for mine...then like another hour or two fooling with positioning and fonts. The While Playing Screen skinning can get pretty complex, though. You can have it cycle images to create animations (look for DancePuffDuo to see an example), you can use ASCII (like I did), show lots of information about the file, and show album art. I opted for a cleaner layout because... well I'm that way about anything involving customizable background art (which exists to be seen, not covered up). Plus, I don't really give a flip what the bitrate or playlist position or whatever of the current song is. And so, that's what I've been up to. This has been chocolate-high geekery with Veers. By the way, how is it that May is almost over already? Tags: consumerism, game review, games, life, pics
Current Mood: chocolate!!!!
Current Music: Third Day - Love Song
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Recent cool stuff: Soul Eater Mass Effect Boss wants to study Japanese with me Homemade cookin' Soul Eater Tax refund Studying for Microsoft certifications that the company will pay for Got 9 hours of sleep last night Soul Eater Recent uncool stuff: Got a ticket in the mail for making a right turn at a red light :< Still haven't gotten a good sleep schedule going since moving Summer is here -_- Tags: life, random
Current Mood: awake
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Wow, Fallout 3 is addicting. After losing my almost-done save games some weeks ago I finally got around to reinstalling it and starting again last week. Finished the main quest last night (well, got one ending, need to see about some others). I thought the ending at the Project Purity was kinda...eh... felt a little cheap and unrealistic. But I love how much there is to explore (last night I explored Vault 92--VaultTec is so evil...) so I can mostly forgive that. Especially because the LIBERTY PRIME assault was SO FREAKING AWESOME. Still, while the dialog and voice acting are steps up from Oblivion, the entire way through the game I couldn't help but recall how much better the dialog trees in Fallout 2 are (at least as far as I remember)... also how much more challenging it is--heck, I played FO3 wearing clothes like lab coats, dresses, trader's gear, etc. instead of armor and still only died a handful of times, usually to stuff armor doesn't even help against, like a parking lot full of exploding cars, radiation, and deathclaws. Ah, well. I'm still debating if I'll get the DLC. And I'm debating teaching myself how to use the GECK for some modding--might be good experience for...something down the road? Wish I knew more about 3D rendering than I do. I tried to teach myself Blender several years ago and that proved to be more effort than I thought it'd be worth. Maybe I should try it again. Also, little bit o' tax refund arrived. :] Tags: games
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Muted angel rays through the canopy light my footsteps,
What feet have trod this ground before mine?
This ordinary brown, holding of life...and death.
Soft whispers dance across my fingertips,
What hands have touched this bark before mine?
Standing strong and grey midst many like-hued storms.
Conversation born of the cool breeze over innumerable tongues,
What ears have been entrusted with these secrets before mine?
This green chatter overhead, never ending and never hasty.
Calm rustle and burble, clear and determined,
What lips have kissed this stream before mine?
Fleeting white laughter refreshing all it caresses.
A careless step, a whipping prick, a sharp hiss,
What blood has been drawn here before mine?
Red reminder of a life in precarious balance.
These angel rays will guide another,
What feet will tread this ground after mine?
When this extraordinary brown reclaims its own.
These whispers are not mine to keep to myself,
What hands will touch this bark after mine?
Telling stories of grey storms past and weathered.
Heedlessly continuing, sometimes still, sometimes frantic,
What ears will be entrusted with these secrets after mine?
Symphony of green writing its own music for all to enjoy.
Time changes routes, destinations...many things,
What lips will kiss this stream after mine?
Splashing down stones in playful white explosions.
A cautious step, but one without fear,
What blood will be drawn here after mine?
Red reminder of a life eternal.
---I don’t read poetry often and I write it (if this counts as poetry anyway) even less often, so I was kinda surprised when, after staring out the window for a few mintes, I started hitting the keys as we drove through Houston on the way home today and this showed up. Despite recent events, this was actually inspired by a short walk at the edge of some woods the other day and, of all things, thinking back on parts the Black Cat manga, which I’d just finished reading, and not by anything directly funeral-related. Though, once I got started, some thoughts of that did influence where this went. Tags: writing
Current Mood: creative
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous 
Heh, so yesterday one of the women in my group at work was cleaning up her desk area and she randomly handed me one of those little mini-slip covers that a lot of Japanese CDs have on their case spines and asked me to read it. It said "Nightwish - Wishmaster" in katakana and I was like "Hey where did you get this? :O" and turns out she had a few Nightwish albums (including an import JP version of Wishmaster because she wanted the Sleepwalker bonus track) here, so we got to talking about that for a minute and when I mentioned I had Dark Passion Play she asked me to bring it in today.![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
